Crystals of Love: Betrayal
by kazeko-chan
Summary: What is love? Suicide is painless. [Finished]


**Crystals of Love: Betrayal**

**Title:** Crystals of Love: Betrayal  
**Author:** kazeko  
**Show:** Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon  
**Rating:** R18  
**Couples:** Haruka/Michiru  
**Series:** Crystals of Love: Tales of the Heart from Crystal Tokyo  
**Multipart:** no  
**Chapters:** 1  
**Completed:** 2005

**Timeline: **"A Child of Darkness and Light", "The Last Sacrifice: The End of the Silver Millennium", "CAS 1: The Trouble with Love is the Lovers", "CAS 2: To Defy Destiny", "Every Cloud", "Crystal Shards", "CAS 3: Unwilling Accomplice", "Our Past 1: The Reason We Fight", "CAS 4: Princess of Light", "Our Past 2: The Reason We Still Fight", "Our Past 3: The Reason We Fought", "CAS 5: One Last Shining Star", "In the Darkest Forest", "Destiny or Duty", "Desperately Searching", "Kazeko", "Chronicles of the Star Senshi 1: The Gathering", "Chronicles of the Star Senshi 2: Castle in the Sky", "Chronicles of the Star Senshi 3: Queen of the Moon", "Chronicles of the Star Senshi 4: Separation Anxiety", "Crystals of Love: Betrayal", "Crystals of Love: Forsaken", "Chronicles of the Star Senshi 5: Black Moon Family", "Crystals of Love: Destined Couple", "Horoscope"

**Time:** two hundred years after Stars  
**Warning:** You people don't seriously think I throw around these ratings for fun, do you? This story deals with love, loss, and suicide, but it technically has a happy ending. Also, it is the prequel to "Crystals of Love: Destined Couple", though the fics occur 800 years apart. Someone had to write about what would happen to Haruka if Michiru was really gone forever.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sailor Moon BUT I DO own the poem! Wrote it while bored in English class, actually. Anyway, enjoy.

* * *

There was nothing left but the loneliness. 

There was no joy, no beloved wife, no daughter on the way, no power, no love.

How could a person be asked to live this way?

She stared at the knife, knowing that she shouldn't but also . . . it was so hard, to breath, to stand and eat, to sleep and dream, to walk and interact with the court . . . it was so hard to keep on doing all of the things she had always done, alone. Her cocky manner was gone. Her masculine swagger replaced by a heart-broken limp. Her eyes were dull and lifeless, no longer windows to her soul but smoldering coals of a dying life. She was ready to go. She was ready to be with Michiru.

She glanced at the poem she had written in a fit of despair only moments before, a suicide note of a sort. Smiling, she knew that the queen would never understand, but maybe her fellow senshi would. Setsuna would understand. She had known from the instant they felt Michiru's death that Haruka would not be long for this world. She was one of the few who could understand a love so eternal.

Closing her eyes, praying for the darkness to claim her, Haruka let the cold steel bite her pale wrists, watching with amusement as her blood spilled onto the carpet. So much blood . . . like the day the Silver Millennium fell. "Blood on my hands," she whispered, her voice slurred as she lost the fight for consciousness. "All that blood I could live with, my love, but not yours. I cannot live with your blood. Your . . ."

Silence.

* * *

_There was a day  
__We walked in the sun  
__But that day is gone  
__And two's become one_

_There was a day  
__We faced evil without end  
__And your loving smiled  
__My broken heart did mend_

_There was a day  
__We vowed to share eternity  
__But after that moment  
__There is only me_

_There was a day  
__I could not show you my heart  
__But you coaxed it into the light  
__When you died, you took your part_

_There was a day  
__When we shared our whole life  
__When I took your hand  
__And made you my wife_

_There was a day  
__Centuries ago  
__When we were felled  
__By an evil blow_

_There was a day  
__You stayed by my side  
__As evil took you down  
__And with me you died_

_There was a day  
__You made me a vow  
__That I'd never be alone  
__But look at me now_

_As day turns to night  
__I've found that I love you  
__Too much to live alone  
__My beloved Michiru_

Serenity stared at the note, tears in her eyes as Ami labored over her fallen Senshi, using all of her power and knowledge to keep the blonde Outer Senshi breathing. Haruka was unconscious, blood flowing from her sliced wrists to the floor of the suite she had once shared with her wife, the bandages on her arms already red. Ami was staring at the readouts on her computer, wondering why the senshi refused to heal herself, glancing at the mask covering Haruka's mouth and nose as she pumped oxygen into the other senshi. Makoto hovered nearby, tears in her eyes as she stared at the woman who had once been stronger than her but was now just an empty husk, a broken and defeated woman. Rei sat in the corner, holding a sobbing Minako, as Setsuna stood to one side, face unreadable. Evan after so many decades, Serenity could still not decipher her mother's most secretive moods. Hotaru, already a nervous wreck despite her wife's presence by her side, had been unable to move when she felt her adopted father's pain. The poor girl-turned-woman had already been orphaned once by Keiko and Souichi, her birth parents, and now it was about to happen again with her adopted family.

"She does not want to live, Usagi."

"I know, Ami." Serenity reached out and handed the poem to the Senshi of Mercury, watching her expression change as she read the words. The other Senshi quickly picked up their fellow's thoughts and began to cry even harder, knowing that they could not understand Haruka's pain. "But I cannot let her die."

"Usagi, she is past caring. Her life is nothing but a living hell to her since . . . that day. Please let her have control of her own fate. She wants to be with Michiru."

"I don't care, Minako! What about her daughters? She and Michiru have quite a brood to care for, and they might not stand the loss of another mother. Hotaru may not be able to survive."

"Usagi, do not let your personal feelings get in the way of this."

"How can I not, Ami? I am her queen, she is my senshi! How dare she try to abandon me like this?"

"She's not thinking about you, Usagi. She only thinks about Michiru. Usagi, we are immortal. If nothing happens, we will live forever. Can you demand of her that she live that eternity alone, without the woman she gave her heart to so many hundreds of years ago in the Silver Millennium? What would you do if Mamoru were killed?"

Serenity swallowed a tear and shook her head, voice calm but not yet the regal tone she would develop as she aged and grew into her throne. "Chibiusa is a bare century old, physically only about one year old. How could I leave her alone, leave her orphaned and queen? I would have to think about her. I could not blindly follow him into death."

"And yet you have sacrificed yourself for him more times than we can count," Rei countered, continuing the argument. "Just because what he was doing was right didn't make you want to protect him, to be with him, any less. When Michiru-san jumped into Neptune . . . when we felt her death . . . I wanted to go be with her. She was our friend, our sister, and the mother of some of our daughter-in-laws. It was so hard to believe that she was gone, forever. But for us, we lost a sister and a close friend. Haruka lost her wife. Michiru never told her that, in order to heal Neptune from the attacks of those shadows, she had to reunite it with the Sea Melody Crystal and the only way to do that was to die. She knew, all along, that she would never return, but she went because it was the right thing to do."

"She did her senshi duty and left Haruka to do hers," Usagi replied coldly. She would not lose this fight. "Haruka's suicide attempt is only part of a depression phase that will fade in time. Soon, she will learn to accept that Michiru is gone and she may even learn to be happy again. She does have daughters to keep her company, and granddaughters soon on the way. She will get over this in time."

The senshi knew their queen's determined tone. She would broker no argument. "What are we to do until then?"

"Clean her up, Ami, and get her healed. Then you will all take shifts watching her, keeping her company, until she recovers."

"A suicide watch," Makoto whispered. She stared at Haruka's pale form and wondered what had happened to all of her strength. There was nothing left of the senshi she had so admired except for her physical body. Her soul was gone, followed Michiru to the next life, and only her body was being restrained. "I feel so sorry for her."

As Serenity turned to leave, she caught Setsuna's eye, the older Senshi shaking her head. Her daughter had made another bad choice. She had to learn to think with her heart and not her head. Ignoring the silent reprimand, Serenity left.

* * *

There was nothing left. There was only emptiness. Out here, in here, black void where her heart should be, black void where her soul had been . . . all gone. 

And they made her keep living. They made her eat and drink, sleep and talk, but they could not make her feel. She no longer felt anything. Not love or hope, fire, passion, rage, joy, sadness . . . only an empty yearning for peace. All she wanted was peace. And Michiru.

Makoto stared into Haruka's empty green eyes, brushing a strand of limp blonde hair away from her pale cheek. There was nothing left. Haruka was gone.

"Why are you torturing her so?"

She had no idea who she was talking to.

She didn't think that it really mattered.

* * *

"Usagi, you can't keep doing this! She has tried a dozen different ways to kill herself in the past week and I can't keep up! Soon she will succeed and I will lose her completely. Even I cannot bring her back from the dead." 

Usagi stared at the ginzuishou as she considered Ami's comment. "I can," she whispered.

"You wouldn't!" Rei stared at her friend, unable to believe the blonde's words. "Usagi, how could you even consider such a thing? Let her see Michiru and then tear her cruelly away? If she dies, then let her be!"

"Maybe I can heal her!"

"Usagi, there is nothing left to heal. She's empty without Michiru, and she has no emotion, no longing, no thought left save for the peacefulness of death. She doesn't want life at all."

"But Makoto, there must be a way! We have always found a way before! Perhaps Setsuna could take her memories again."

"What good would that do? She would still remember some of Michiru and search for her, and what about their family? She would not know any of them. The life you offer is not a joyous one. Without so many hundreds of years' worth of memories, it would not even be a life."

Serenity shook her head, tears forming in her silvery blue eyes. "But I cannot just give up! I cannot let her die!"

Rei stepped forward and pulled Usagi into her arms. "Usagi, if Haruka had asked to follow Michiru into battle, no matter how the odds were stacked, you would have let her. Think of this as a battle of another sort, a battle between life and death. Just because you know the outcome does not make it any less a battle. Haruka has already fought and surrendered to death; now let him have what is his. Let her go."

"But I cannot just give that order," Usagi whispered, tears in her voice. "I cannot just tell you to stop watching her when I know that she will kill herself."

Minako stepped forward and knelt in front of her queen. "What if one of us was late for our shift to guard her and she made good use of that opportunity? Then it is no one's fault and she can rest in peace. Would that make you feel better?"

Serenity nodded. "I am so selfish."

"No, you are just trying to be a good queen. But sometimes being a good queen means being a good friend and letting your heart speak its mind. Haruka loves you, Princess, loves you eternally and unconditionally as we all do and as we always have, but she loves Michiru with all her heart and cannot live without her soulmate. Let her choose how she spends her eternity."

"Ok. But let me say good-bye to her first."

* * *

Setsuna walked into the room, having agreed to watch Haruka while the Senshi talked to her stubborn daughter. Haruka slowly looked up, something in her starved and lonely body forcing her to search for the older senshi's garnet eyes. "Haruka, I need you to do me a favor. Do you remember that song you wrote so long ago, the one you were going to give Michiru but never did? The one you called 'Destined Couple'?" Haruka nodded. "Good. I know that she never saw it, but she knows the words in her heart. Only together can the two of you finish that song. From this moment forward, I want you to sing in your mind. Sing 'Destined Couple' and the song that the Starlights gave you; sing the song that you started in the Silver Millennium but only just finished. And sing the songs you wrote about Michiru because they hold her power. Never stop singing." 

"Never stop singing," Haruka whispered, the only words she had uttered since her first suicide attempt. Setsuna nodded and stepped back as she sensed her daughter approach, leaving as Serenity entered the room.

Usagi stared at Haruka for a long moment before she could form any words. As tears streamed down her cheeks she managed: "I'm sorry." Haruka tilted her head, confused. "I'm sorry, Haruka, that I could not save Michiru. I'm sorry that I am not powerful enough to keep the people I love alive, and I am sorry that I am selfish and blind. I just came to thank you for your long and loyal service to me, for saving me when I least deserved it, and for protecting me for so long. Also, I know that you all tell me that you love me many times, but I rarely say it back. I love you, Haruka, and all I want is for you to be happy. Goodbye." With that, Usagi left, her sobs silent as she ran for her throne room, knowing that she would have to stop and compose herself before she could face her court.

Makoto entered as her queen vanished, unable to meet Haruka's eyes. The blonde, though, was concentrating on Serenity's words, shocked that it sounded like a true farewell, like she and the queen would never meet again. Makoto stood in the corner and stared out the window, fidgeting for a moment before she sighed and turned to her charge. "Haruka, I can sense Ami's distress and I need to go comfort her. I cannot concentrate with her pain. There is nothing in here you can use as a weapon, so I trust that you will behave." Haruka nodded, and Makoto left, glancing over her shoulder before she closed the door. "We all love you, ok? Try to remember that. No matter what happens, we all love you." She left.

Haruka stared at the empty door, somehow finding the strength to stand. She walked to the corner table Makoto had been leaning against and felt her heart sing as she found the familiar Space Turbulence Crystal. They had taken it away to keep her from following Michiru . . . Haruka turned to the door, suddenly realizing what was going on. Usagi was letting her go, but she was too soft-hearted and the Senshi had to help her. They were leaving her unattended, letting her go die where and how she wished. Tears in her eyes, Haruka silently called her transformation, fingers wrapped around her crystal. "Thank you," she whispered as she vanished.

* * *

Makoto leaned on the heavy wood, unable to hold her tears. She had not wanted her wife or friends to know this pain, so she volunteered to be the one who let Haruka go—she was closest to the blonde, in any case. Ami had relaxed, knowing that she might not be able to go through with it, and Minako sighed, upset that she did not have the inner strength to help Haruka to her grave. Only Rei had met Makoto's eyes. The miko knew that her friend would punish herself for it, and she silently offered to switch, but the Senshi of Thunder shook her head. She would not wish this pain on anyone. She hoped that Haruka had taken the crystal and gone off to Neptune or Uranus to die, sparing the queen the sight of her friend's dead body. Endymion, though he would never admit it, would have been shaken by the sight of a dead senshi, a woman he regarded very highly and considered to be the closest of friends. He had been gone with Chibiusa in the mountains for a while, having only returned that morning and did not know about Haruka's attempted suicides. 

Slowing her tears, Makoto turned and opened the door, bracing herself for the worst. She let out a joyous sob when she found the room bare, the joy turning to miserable tears as she realized that she would never see Haruka again. Tears soaking her gown, Makoto ran to the throne room, knowing that the death of a Senshi had to be a public event.

* * *

Sailor Uranus floated above the silent planet, watching Neptune's gases swirl in patterns that reminded her of her wife's powers. She sighed and held out the Space Sword. "I love you more than anything in this universe, Michiru, even my own life. I know that you died to let the rest of us live, but without you my life isn't worth living. I just wanted to come say goodbye and pray that we meet in our future life. Neptune, take care of my beloved Michiru. She is all that I care about." 

Tears blurring her vision, Uranus stared at her shining sword. "Goodbye, my only and forever love. I will find you in the next life." Without another sound, she buried the sword deep into her belly, watching with shock-numb eyes as her lifeblood stained the black sky. She stared at Neptune as the aqua power of the planet reached up and soaked up the red blood as the world started to fade. Haruka sighed as she reabsorbed the Space Turbulence Crystal and her transformation faded, a golden glow covering her slender form. Neptune began to whisper as Uranus reclaimed her senshi, as the dying woman vanished. Deep inside her heart, the planet searched for her beloved senshi, for the woman who sacrificed herself to save her planet.

Curled around the Sea Melody Crystal, a trapped, sleeping soul began to stir. Her wife's last blood surrounded her, that tiny spark of power beginning the rebuilding process. Neptune knew that it would take a very long time in human terms, but she would bring her senshi back to life. All of Neptune's power turned to that tiny slip of a soul as she began to recreate her senshi.

* * *

Her body healed, her soul trapped with the Space Turbulence Crystal in the heart of Uranus, Haruka awoke in a grassy field, lying on a navy and gold blanket, a familiar and beloved woman resting by her side. "Michiru?" 

"For now," the aqua-haired woman whispered. "Until we are reborn."

Haruka smiled and sat up, taking Michiru's tiny hand. "One day we will be reunited for real. I am sure of it."

* * *

Serenity looked up from her throne as Jupiter ran into the room, dashing past all of the retainers and nobles to stop at the foot of Serenity's dais. "Uranus is missing!" 

"Missing? Who was watching her?"

Jupiter hung her head as Pluto, Venus, Saturn, Mars, and Mercury gathered near, Endymion looking up from the corner where he was discussing business with one of the northern nobles. "I . . . I was watching her, Majesty." Mercury placed a hand on her wife's arm, filled with sympathy for the pain Makoto was suffering.

"And?"

"I . . . I sensed that Ami was worried about something, and it seemed serious. I was only gone for a second, and there was nothing in the room, no way for her to get out. She must have called the Space Turbulence Crystal, transformed, and left."

"Where do you think she went?"

"Where else? Neptune," Mercury whispered. She didn't even need her computer.

Serenity slipped down from her throne and stood in the circle of her senshi. "Let's see if we can find her before . . ." The queen gasped and fell to her knees, eyes squeezed shut in pain. "Haruka . . ."

Then Makoto felt it. She refused to cry, refused to call for her friend, refused to admit that Haruka . . . letting out a scream of fury, the senshi of thunder slammed her fist into the wall, leaving a sizable dent in the marble. Mercury slumped against the marble, silent tears falling from her sapphire eyes, shaking her head. Minako let out a shaky sob, falling into her wife's arms as Rei stared at Makoto, desperate to hold her tears back. Hotaru screamed her adopted father's name and fell into Setsuna's arms, unable to believe that both of her parents were dead. Swallowing her own tears, Setsuna put the younger woman to sleep, easily lifting her and taking the senshi back to her room.

Serenity let her husband pull her to her feet, unable to wipe her tears away. "What happened, Mamo-chan? How did it all fall apart so quickly? How did I lose two of the Senshi I promised to protect forever so quickly? My kingdom is barely a century old, and now they are gone . . ."

Mamoru tilted Usagi's face up and dried her tears. "You cannot let your kingdom fall, my love. You must move on. There are many things left to live for."

"_I let them let her go,"_ she whispered in his mind. "It's all my fault."

"She wanted to go, Usako. She loved Michiru more than even she knew. It would have been unfair of you to ask her to stay, to live without her soulmate. Let her go, let her rest in peace, do not blame yourself for letting her leave and do not blame her for betraying you to the woman she betrothed her heart to before we even met. He glanced up as a nursemaid entered the hall, a tiny pink-haired girl in her arms. "Chibiusa needs you."

Usagi walked over and took her daughter, smiling as she remembered Haruka's casual parenting advice, the older woman knowing full-well that her cocky words would only irritate the new mother. "I know."

* * *

Read the sequel: "Crystals of Love: Destined Couple" to find out what happens to Haruka and Michiru 


End file.
